Sunday, 21 March 2010

Wordzzle 103

Well it's been one of those weeks this week where I had lots of things I wanted to post about but somehow never got around to doing. Like last saturday when i went to a 1 day art course, only I turned up on the wrong day and ended up with a painting of flowers instead of a landscape (admittedly very nice flowers, but still not a landscape)

Or the endless bus journeys that I now have to face and my joy that cycling season is soon approaching, or my trip to London to sell some old videos

Or the upcoming gig...

But time had smacked me around the head until i am truly dizzy and so i find myself having to push these things aside to bring you my regular entry to the fun:

As some of you will already know the excellent Raven has been experiencing computer problems as of late, but still managed to put some words up for useage

Every week she sets a total of 15 words which can be used for a mini (5), main (10) or massiv (15) challenge and you have to write a story encorporating those words

This week's 10-word challenge: culture, sheep, skin, mentally, box, desert, several people, church, Greece, thirst,

The mini challenge: swimming pool, cargo, czar, focus, fine

As with last week we re-join the crew of the HMS Frightfully Sorry as they splice their mainsails, heave ho all the me harties they can manage and generally fail to make any progress in...

Four Sheets To The Wind

The door of the Captain’s cabin opened slowly. Captain Hogarth put down the pickled Sheep and picked a piece of mutton out of his beard

“Ah Colinberry! Excellent to see you!”

First Mate Jenkins sighed and pushed the door a little wider. What was it about Sunday afternoons that the Captain found so hard to cope with? Perhaps it was the four hour church service in which Pastor Glennig had preached about shipwrecks until several people had seen their breakfast for the second time that day, or perhaps it was the side-effects of all that salt water, but the Captain always seemed to be mentally in a different place to everyone else

“It’s Jenkins sir” the First Mate corrected.

“So it is!” boomed Hogarth, “Come in Jenkins and tell me again how long it is until we return to Hogarthland?”

This was a new one to the First Mate, who frowned and tried to focus on anything that had happened recently that his Captain could be referring to, “Hogarthland sir?”

“Yes Hogarthland. You remember, that place we discovered with lots of people in togas and that person called the Czar that we met”

“That was Greece sir.” Jenkins paused, “and I think he was the Caesar”

“Nonsense:” Hogarth boomed, “I discovered the demned place, so I get to name it after meself”

“No sir” Jenkins corrected patiently, “to discover a place you have to be the first one there sir. Greece is the culture capital of the known world sir. Everyone knows about it”

“Really?” Hogarth opened the box of cigars on his desk and picked one out, taking great care not to set fire to his beard, “Demned shame if you ask me: I was going to name one of the islands after you Colinberry”

“It’s Jenkins sir,” Jenkins reminded, “and it’s very fine of you to offer, but I think you’ll find that all the islands are already named”

“Really? Even the one with the swimming pool?”

“Especially the one with the swimming pool sir” Jenkins paused, as if looking for an escape route from the conversation, his skin beginning to show the result of stress, “Would you like me to tell you when we DO discover somewhere knew sir?”

“Yes I think so” Hogarth paused as he sucked thoughtfully on his cigar, “but not one with too much sand: can’t stand the desert Jenkins”

“No sir” Jenkins agreed, “Anything else sir?”

“Hogarth nodded, “Fetch me another bottle of brandy from the cargo hold would you Jenkins, I’m just about bally ready to die of thirst”


Argent said...

Another crazy voyage this week. Will we get to meet other members of the crew I wonder. Very skilful use of the words too.

the watercats said...

*tears... laughter tears...

kanishk said...

"The mixed blessing" line was my favourite.
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Raven said...

Wonderful as always! My computer is back (well actually a different computer is back, mine is in a coma), and I'm sort of back. Sick with the flu at the moment, but reading your wonderful insane conversation cheered me up greatly. Thanks.