Friday, 1 October 2010

The Old Ones Are The Best


Sherlock Holmes sat back and felt the thick grass through the blanket. The game of solitaire was beginning to bore him now, so patted his pockets and when they came away without discovering any matches he lit a thin cigarette from the oil lamp and extinguished the light.

He turned to his trusty companion and saw that his long diatribe on the need to save our schools from the decay in education had been wasted as Watson was gently snoring

The great detective frowned in thought for a second. The camping trip had been tolerable at best. Watson seemed to be enjoying himself and had even taken time out to catch a few butterflies but Holmes, neurotic as he was, could not relax.

There was something disturbing him, something that he could not quite fathom. It was only as he stared at the distant church that he realised what it was

Dr John Watson jumped awake as his companion uttered a sharp exclamation, ‘the candles, the candles’ he snapped before he had time to fully wake from the dream. He looked around and groaned as he saw the face of Sherlock Holmes peering into his

‘Having a quiet think were you Holmes?’ Watson asked, tongue in cheek

Holmes shook his head, ‘I am incapable of sleep tonight Watson’ he announced to the field of sheep, ‘I think it is the spam that we had for supper’

‘I told you to take some charcoal tablets’ Watson muttered, knowing he was wasting his breath. Holmes the man was lost to him now, replaced by Holmes the thinker

‘Tell me Watson’ Holmes asked, ‘When you look at the stars above us: what do you deduce?’

Watson thought for a moment, trying to clear his head. The usually reticent Holmes had been something of a chatter box tonight, but he had been too tired to concentrate on the Detective’s postulations and had fallen asleep. He was sensible enough, however, to realise when he was being tested.

‘Well Holmes’ Watson replied, clearing his throat for the forthcoming oration, ‘I deduce that our sun is one of many in an infinite universe: that each may contain planets much like our own and who knows: even life. I further deduce that it is a clear night with little chance of rain and that the nature of creation is far beyond the comprehension of a simple man like me.’

Holmes shook his head, ‘No, no my dear Watson, I will not have that. Though you lack the killer instinct of a trained professional your natural observation skills often lead you indirectly to the correct conclusion’ he paused, ‘although on this occasion you do seem to have missed one simple fact’

‘Oh?’ Watson asked, irked as usual by his companion’s ability to out think and out deduce him at every turn, ‘then tell me Holmes: when you look at the stars tonight – what do you deduce?’

‘Oh it’s quite elementary my dear Watson’ Holmes replied with a small grin, ‘I deduce that the tent has been stolen!’

17 comments:

The Bug said...

LOLOLOL! I was enjoying this quite a bit - I love detective stories - & then I got to the end. That is perhaps the best ending to a magpie/wordzzle ever!

Doctor FTSE said...

I thought you were going to change the ending! (I have come across the story before . . . )
"And I deduce, Watson, that this clapped out old oil lamp has just burned the b***y tent to ashes!"

(Verification word is "canned" - which must be a clue to something . . . )

Teresa said...

Wonderfully funny.

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

the first thing that oil lamp reminded me of was the 1098s Sherlock Holmes episodes with Jeremy (best Holmes ever) Brett

Yeah - it's an old joke, but with a few of my own twists along the way :)

It seemed a good idea to encorporate Raven's wordzzles to make it a bit more of a challenge

Shigune Matsui said...

Hahaha! I don't really read detective stories, but this one was quite interesting. Wanna come see my magpie? It's at http://thelunaticsdiary.blogspot.com

Brian Miller said...

ha. nice...i love a good detective yarn...and you play us nicely. nice magpie!

Raven said...

That was fun!

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

this was quite a fun read :)

and my word verif is clogicy

that when you get so clogged up with logic that you miss the point :)

Argent said...

Oh, groan, groan, GROAN!!! Hehe, neat how you managed to justice to the words, though. I wonder if it would be possible to treat more old jokes this way....

kathi harris said...

Brilliant. Very funny.

ms pie said...

ohhhhh, that was so very very good... a gifted storyteller indeed...

Reflections said...

Ah, but should we say detective or comic?

Love a good mystery...

Nicely done.

cheryl said...

I love a good detective story and you're right, Jeremy Brett was thee best! Really enjoyed this.

Tumblewords: said...

A fun read!

willow said...

Very clever write!! Loved this.

Carrie Burtt said...

What a fun read!! :-)

Jennifer said...

haha - fun detective yarn!