Friday, 31 December 2010

New Year's Desilutions

They say that there is no such thing as an original idea – but if there is this is certainly not one of them, but the other night I was talking to Herself about New Year’s Resolutions.
She had been texting some friends in London to the effect that it is inevitable that New Year’s Resolutions will be broken, usually within five seconds of the stroke of midnight.

I know this to be true – I used to be a member of my local gym (until financial restraints meant I had to stop) and from the start of January to early February each year it would be impossible to get on any of the machinery due to the Health Kick Resolution – but by mid February only a few waifs and strays remained.

Picking something to give up is difficult – one year I managed to give up chocolate (I try to blank those 12 months), but my only real vice these days is cheese – and if I had to give up cheese for 12 months then it would be onto the crack cocaine before I knew it.

But Herself has come up with the perfect solution for us all – why not give up something you already don’t do? If you give up doing something you don’t currently do then you are hardly going to miss it and can reach the end of 2011 feeling proud of the fact that you have continued to not do said thing.
So here’s a couple of suggestions for those of you looking for ludicrous things to stop doing during 2011:

#1: Hang-gliding Naked Through Woolworths

Quite an easy one to give up on several levels this one. Firstly because Woolworths selection of high-street emporiums have now gone and been replaced by numerous pound shops. Secondly, and aside from branches of Woolworths set over 2 or more levels, it is quite impossible to get the level of lift required vis a vis take-off for hang-gliding (although to be fair I have never tried)

#2: Part-time career as Director General of the BBC

Much as my commitment and dedication to the British Broadcasting Corporation has been a vital standpoint of their continued success over the past few years I feel sure that they can continue to flourish as a result of my continued absence and thus feel relatively secure in continuing not to be Director General (albeit in absentia) during 2011. However, should Mark Thompson (DG since 2004) fancy a holiday he knows where to find me

#3: Neurosurgeon

The brains of Great Britain may continue to rest easy during 2011 that should they falter in the knowledge that the the hands of this particular Pixie will not be attempting to put them right

#4: Mountain climbing

Actually, of the list here this is one that I’d quite like a go at. There is an establishment less than 2 miles from my house with a climbing wall, but starter lessons are £60 and you have to have more than one person at the lesson – so scaling Everest, Kilimanjaro or, lets face it, the stairs in the hallway, remains a remote possibility over the next 12 months

#5: Career as a singer in a Bhangra-influenced band

Actually in one of my previous roles I worked with someone who left the company to become exactly this. From what I gather they are doing rather well.

Suggestions for things that you want to give up, but already don’t do, will be widely welcomed.

Oh yeah - and whatever you do or don't do in 2011 be safe, be happy and be prosperous.


the watercats said...

I'm fairly certain that I will probably avoid working again this year.. yay... ?
oh and not winning the lottery is a good bet, also, I will not be driving across America busking for food again this year...
smug?... you bet i am!

The Bug said...

Well it's safe to say I won't be singing in a group like THAT anytime soon!

I wonder if I say I won't win the lottery then maybe I'll break that resolution? That would be sweet! If I did I'd send you the cash to do the climbing wall :)

English Rider said...

I don't think I can best the Naked Woolworths Image. That one's going to stay with me for a while.
Maybe you could avoid that whilst not filming a BBC documentary on music videos?

Michael said...

Please don't give up your imaginative sense of humour!

Friko said...

I have given up resolutions.

apart from that I am giving up smoking (I don't smoke),
eating cheese (I can't eat cheese), and I am going to give up beating Beloved to a pulp every Friday night when I come home from the pub.

Now work that one out!

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

watercats - giving up not winning the lottery could be interesting

bug - maybe you could be in another group then?

English - i doubt very much i will be making BBC documentaries, so a good one there

michael - i will try not to

Friko - two out of three aint bad

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Indeed, my friend, indeed.

I actually just came here to say that I couldn't withstand more than a minute and 20 seconds of that video without feeling extremely embarrassed and silly.

But, consider my mind that much more open from the exposure.

My word verification for this comment is "prones".