Friday, 16 April 2010

Rejected Planning Applications #1 and #2

In one of my very early posts I postulated what the response might have been if Darth Vader had needed to apply for planning application for the Death Star. Despite the fact that it was always my intention to follow this up with further rejected applications I never quite got around to it.

So since we are rapidly approaching my 200th and potentially final blog I thought now would be as good a time as any to re-print the original and to bring you another:

Rejected Planning Applications #1

Dear Mr Vader

Thank you for your recent application to build a space station in the Alderran system.The plans are with our board for discussion and will be on public display in the Horseshoe Nebula for 6 months prior to any decision.

However, we have a few concerns with regards to your plans.

Firstly we are concerned that for a “shopping centre, sauna, gym and relaxation planet” your base is a little heavily armed. Whilst we appreciate that in these times of unrest it is necessary to protect oneself we feel that the suggested “capacity to neutralise an entire solar system” is a little heavy handed when it comes to ensuring the safety of a leisure base. As such we would politely request that you reconsider the degree of your protection.

Secondly we are a dismayed that you are continuing to refer to the leisure base as a “Death Star” and feel that this may have a negative effect on potential tourism to outlying planets, including our own. We would suggest “Leisure Station” as a possible alternative.

Also we would point out that, by referring to your base as a “Star” you are in breach of the trades description act

Finally we would like to inform you that we will be submitting these plans to an independent advisor on Tatooine and request safe passage to that location.

Yours sincerely

HRH Senator Leia Organa

Rejected Planning Application #2

Dear Mr Blofeld

Thank you for your interest in purchasing Mount Kinbaya, however we feel that we have a few concerns regarding your plans for your plans for a “Luxury Condo With Launch Pad”

Firstly, whilst our design team were impressed by the scale of your plans and your attempts to conceal your house and thus have a relatively low impact on tourism we are a little afraid that the machine gun nests above your “bespoke camouflage ceiling” and the poison gas in the caves beneath your home, whilst intended to keep birds and bats away from the mechanisms, might also cause harm to lost tourists. Can we suggest some kind of recording of birdsong as an alternative?

Secondly we need to advise you that your helicopter pad looks a little excessive for the size of machine you have specified. One of our experts had voiced the opinion that you were actually creating a rocket launch pad – however as both he and his evidence seem to have mysteriously disappeared we will have to abandon this point for the time being.

Finally we must report a letter of concern into your venture from a Mr Bond of Universal Exports who has raised an issue regarding the large increase in sea traffic surrounding the mountain. We enclose a copy of his letter and, so long as you can provide sufficient answers to our concerns we see no problem with your plans proceeding

Yours sincerely

Government of Japan


the watercats said...

lol.... actual lol... :-D trying to think who else.. batman... the tracey island island,.... oh wait.. they're all goodies!..
* I feel my day will be wasted :-D

English Rider said...

Potentially final post? Because rejected applicants might be after you and some form of Witness Protection Program may be required?

pohanginapete said...

Brilliant! As the watercats suggested, there could be a series here.

And I trust English Rider understood correctly, and that by "final post" you don't mean we might be denied more of this marvellous entertainment.

(P.S. apologies for not having commented for a while)

Argent said...

Hahahaha! Very nicely done. Perhaps one for Saunron and Mt Doom or Saruman and Isengard? We'll all be dichuffed if 200 is the last!

Anne-Marie said...

Potentially final post? Really?

Michael said...

Say it isn't so...

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

watercats - indeed: how would Batman apply in the first place?

English - and all: still haven't decided, guess i'm feeling a bit run down and out of ideas at present.

Pete - maybe i should have suggested for people to write their own!

Argent - maybe Sauron passed off the giant eye thing as modern art?

Anne-Marie/Michael - thanks for popping round. As above - i dunno. Maybe i'll write a post about my thinking

Lydia said...

These, #1 and #2, are both great.

Yes, please do write a post about your feelings. I cannot imagine this blog closing shop. What a depressing thing that would be.

I will add the same P.S. as pohanginapete...