Monday, 5 March 2012

The Burmese Budgie (A Magpie Tale)

It was a wednesday, usually the quietest day of the week.  It was late and I'd just poured myself a glass of the hard stuff - ice.

There was a tap on the window.  I'd never understood why they'd installed a tap on the window, but there it was - still dripping despite all my best attempts at tightening the faucet on the glass.

She opened the door and stood there in the shadows for a moment.  There was something under her arm.  It could have been a duck, or a goose: even a large chicken.  I immediately suspected fowl play.

She raised her arm and rolled her eyes at me.  I picked them up, gave them a polish and rolled them back.  They were the kind of eyes you might see on a big poster: wide and inviting.

She asked me to take her case, but I couldn't - I had to tell her my wardrobe was already full of cases.  She shook her head and sighed, showing me the bird.  It definitely wasn't a chicken then.  I would have shown her the door at that point, but I was pretty sure that she'd seen the door on her way in and that the view wasn't any better from this side.

Finally, and after much argument, I at least agreed to look after the creature whilst she was out of town.  Maybe that way I'd have time to decipher the message the bird was trying to sqwalk at me.

Still, whatever else happened that weekend: and whether she returned or not: now that I had her pet with me I could at least say that whatever else we'd shared - we'd always have Parrots

15 comments:

Wander said...

thanks for sharing this, good write!

Wander

http://wanderwithoutbeinglost.blogspot.com

Mimi Foxmorton said...

Hahahahahahahaha!
Oh gods......you are BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

Brian Miller said...

haha nice wit and quick tongue...you had me chuckling as i read....

jabblog said...

I love this - so many cliches beautifully shot down.

Stephen Hayes said...

An amusing parody. Raymond Chandler?

Sue said...

really clever

loved it

=)

Lydia said...

I think this may be your best writing yet! It is FANtastic and I am a fan of each hilarious pun that gave me moments of genuine laughter that I truly needed. Thank you. I wouldn't have missed this for the world!

Dave King said...

Superb, just superb!

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

Wander - thanks, enjoyed yours too

Mimi - thanks for visiting

Brian - i would have settled for groaning

Jabblog - the hard boiled fiction type is so well known...

Stephen - possibly more Naked Gun/Police Squad than Chandler himself :)

Sue - thanks for visiting

Lydia - the one about the rolling eyes - i dont know where i first heard/saw that but it was many, many years ago

Dave - thanks for visiting

The Bug said...

Love love love! Reminds me of a series of books I'm enjoying right now - the lead character is a chief of police who's a part time church organist & who also wants to write detective novels in the style of Raymond Chandler - he even has one of his old typewriters to give him inspiration. And his stories sound just about exactly like this one :)

Argent said...

Sweet Mother of Chins!
Well put together.

Trellissimo said...

A fun bit of nonsense...

Tess Kincaid said...

Excellent write...you had me craving a glass of the hard stuff with ice right from the start...

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

Bug - the books sound fun

Argent - thanks

Trellisimo - cheers

Tess - hope i'm not driving you to drink. Call a taxi and it can drive us both there!

Friko said...

You Nutcase!