Friday, 8 January 2010

Wordzzle 94

Well it’s been three weeks since we last heard from Maggie and she’s getting ever closer to reaching her destination now. My apologies this week for a long post (especially to the Dragons), but thanks to the ever-efficient Royal Mail three of her letters seem to have arrived in one go. Therefore I’ve done my best to arrange things in historical order of when they happened.

In order to make things interesting the first “week” of the journey below contains all the words from the mega, the second all the words from the main and the third all the words from the mini

As you can probably guess Maggie has been up to all sorts over the Christmas and New Year holiday, but I’ll let her tell you all about it herself as she goes.
For those of you who don’t know already semi-retired Hotel Manager Margaret Mills is making the journey from John O’Groats to Lands End on a mobility scooter for reasons yet to be given. She is wanted for questioning by the Police for reasons unknown and is prone to causing havoc wherever she goes.

The rules are that every week Raven sets us a list of words and phrases that one has to use within the story as sneakily as possible. There’s a 10 word (main), 5 word (mini) and all 15 words (mega) competition and you can chose to write any or all variations

Words to use for this weeks competition were: (10 word challenge) space cadet, silver lining, wood, turtle soup, minaret, ice, grease, sales, mandala, mug

And for the mini: (5 word) broken bones, slide rule, garbage, Chinese, sanguine
For those of you new to the game please visit the ever wonderful Raven at http://ravensviews.blogspot.com/

Finally – thanks again to the ever useful Wikipedia for the facts about Cullompton.
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WEEK ELEVEN(The Mega) Cirencester – Bristol (56 miles)

MAXI: space cadet, silver lining, wood, turtle soup, minaret, ice, grease, sales, mandala, mug, broken bones, slide rule, garbage, Chinese, sanguine

EXTRACT FROM BBC1 NEWS, WEDNESDAY 30th DECEMBER 2009

NEWSREADER: ...with a slide rule and a set-square. In other news today there is increasing pressure on the Chairman of Mandala Pharmaceuticals, Mr Timothy Lumsden, to resign in the wake of the theft of forty kilos of heroin from their head offices in October.

The drugs had been delivered to the company as part of the Government’s latest initiative to destroy any intercepted drugs illegally transported into the country. Despite several attempts to make an apology Mr Lumsden is expected to confirm his departure within the next few days. Meanwhile Police still wish to interview a former part-time worker with the company, Mr Trevor Stanley. Stanley, who is known to the police by his alter-ego “Tosser” is believed to have gone into hiding just before Christmas...

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Dear Spud

Well I have had a hectic week and no mistake.

First of all the weather before Christmas were awful – we had all that snow and even though that had stopped there were still lots of ice on the roads, so I had to drive careful coz I can’t be having with any broken bones: not at my age and these mobility scooters are only so steady on the slippery pavements.

The roads were fairly quiet though, must be all this recession what people keep moaning on about, because I were expecting a lot more people in the centre of Bristol. Mind you I got myself a lovely shawl in the pre-Christmas sales, so I guess I mustn’t grumble.

Well, you know how most hotels are closed over Christmas? Well as you know it were always my intention to stay with Bernard and Marie Wood in Bristol. You must remember them? Norman’s friends from school days? They came up one Friday when you were six years old. No, hang on, that weren’t you – that were your brother that met them.

Anyway, I’d writ to them about two weeks ago whilst I were waiting for the scooter to be repaired and told them as how I would be popping in – so I drove me scooter round to Minaret Place on Christmas Day and of course they were out.
Then I remembered as how they’d always had a dodgy back window, so I let myself in through the gate and helped myself to a mug of tea whilst I were waiting for them to come back.

Well how were I supposed to know they’d moved away?

There were no need for the new owner to stand there shouting the odds at me like I were a bleeding space cadet and threatening me with the Police and I said as much to his face.

It were all getting rather nasty and I were about to have a go at him with me collapsing zimmer frame when Bernard turned up and explained as how the letter had been forwarded to him, only he’d thought it was a cheque for Christmas from his Auntie Mabel and had only opened it after he’d finished his bowl of turtle soup and had lit the Christmas pud.

So the silver lining to the story is that he took me round there just in time for a nice sherry and piece of cake and by the time the Queen’s speech came on I were feeling right sanguine just in time to fall asleep!

Anyways I’ll be staying with them until Boxing Day and will write to you again once I’m back on the road

Mags

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TEXT FROM BERNARD “SPUD” MARIS TO MARGARET MILLS

Mags

Merry Xmas!

Me n Denise had a Chinese Christmas day, 1 of the King Prawns got stuck in drain
Denise sez where’s ur stuff 4 removin grease, thinks it shd do the trik?

PS: The binmen didn’t cum this week, so there’s garbage all ovr the drive. Mrs Johnson in room 12 weren’t happy, but I tolled her it were xmas, so she were lucky to ave roof over head.

Spud
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WEEK TWELVE (The Main) Bristol – Cullompton (62 miles)

The Main: space cadet, silver lining, wood, turtle soup, minaret, ice, grease, sales, mandala, mug

Dear Spud

Well Christmas with Bernard and Marie Wood were right lovely and no mistake. There were a bit of ice Boxing Day, but Bernard drove us down to the docks to see the ships: though he weren’t feeling right – he wouldn’t admit it himself, but I think the Turtle Soup were repeating on him. We shared a mug of tea and then I were on my way to Cullompton this week where I’ve been staying at the Weary Traveller on Station Road: only I can tell why they call it that, coz it’s very noisy, what will all the noise of the deliveries to Tesco and Somerfield in the early hours: so by the time morning came the first night I felt like a right space cadet and no mistake. The room were a bit small, the meals were mostly covered in grease and I never did figure out why there were a picture of Nelson Mandala on the wall, but otherwise it were ok.

The manager of the hotel had splashed out on some fireworks for New Years Eve. Well, I say splashed out, but I reckon he’d bought them in the sales, because they were about as exciting as watching paint dry. Even then I couldn’t get to sleep on account of the couple having noisy sex under the minaret across the road. I were right tempted to go over and give them marks out of ten they were making that much noise

Mags

TEXT FROM BERNARD “SPUD” MARIS TO MARGARET MILLS

Mags

Pumbr came 2 look at drain, sed the silver lining on pipes were decay or sumthin. I tolled im not 2 try n cheat u, or u’d b round with a stick wen u got back

Denise proposed New Years Day. Not sed nothin yet.

Spud

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WEEK THIRTEEN(The Mini) Cullompton – Liskeard (65 miles)

The mini: broken bones, slide rule, garbage, Chinese, sanguine

Dear Spud

Well I’ve had a right lovely journey this week, right across Dartmoor National Park it were. The traffic weren’t too bad, but a few of the roads were still frosty.
Just outside Exeter I had a bit of a nasty incident when me mobility scooter slid on a patch of ice and collided with an elderly Chinese gentleman. He kept yellin how he were going to sue me if he had any broken bones, till I pointed out there were nowt wrong with him apart from a bruised ego

Dartmoor were next and it were very quiet, so I were glad when I got through to Tavistock for the night. Not that it were much of an improvement I have to say and I were happy to be moving on again.

I arrived in Liskeard last night and were chuffed to bits to see a large Homebase store on the outskirts of the town, because I’ve been meaning to buy meself a new slide rule so as how I can chart the whole of me route when I get back.

Still, that were on Thursday when the traditional market were in full swing and you couldn’t move for cattle tramping around the place. I think me mobility scooter got a dent from one of the hooves and me rear wheel still stinks of manure, so the hotel owner weren’t best pleased when I asked to bring it in to their kitchen and put it on charge.

Mind you, those farmers don’t half leave a lot of garbage in their wake: you’d think they’d know better, what with working so closely with mother nature all the time.
Anyway, I should be in Land’s End this time next week, barring any misfortune, so I was hoping as how you’d ask Denise’s brother for loan of the truck so as how he can fetch me back.

Mags

TEXT FROM BERNARD “SPUD” MARIS TO MARGARET MILLS

Mags

Jus got 3 lettrs in 1 go, thanx

Denise made me that pasta stuff – wots it called, sanguin-e or linguini?

Ethr way – sed Y 2 marridge n am ingaged

BTW – stil heard nowt from Tosser – hope e’s OK

Spud


8 comments:

Argent said...

Hahah, great post! Interesting that Tosser's linked with Mandala Pharma. Will he ever turn up? Has he been done away with? Can't wait for mor eof this - it's great!

Reston Friends! said...

I'm laughing out loud and both Mags and Spud. What a hoot -- she remembered they had a doggy door and how was she to know they moved? And Spud, the master of customer service -- NOT!

I love this! It feels like we're on a jaunt around the countryside with you and Mags!

Raven said...

Wonderful! I think my favorite thing was at the very end "sanguin-e or linguini... loved it. Happy New Year!

Dr.John said...

THis time you gave us lots and lots of my favorite old lady. You do such a good job no matter what the words are. I could just see her as she tried to make sense out of the life she was leading. I hope she gets that truck.
Very well done.

Fandango said...

WE dragons are afraid of old ladies like that. They have no fear and will hit you with anything that is handy. You have really made her come alive.

Roxy said...

You are committed keeping up with this challenge! Loved the joke by the way. Happy New year to you - peace and love!

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

Argent - you'll have to wait a few weeks to find out yet about Tosser.

Reston - yeah, Spud means well: but you wouldn't want to stay in his hotel!

Raven - it was a bit cheeky, but I just about got away with the sanguin-e thing!

Dr John - thanks for enjoying the ride :)

Fandango - Maggie is certainly indomitable, but I'm sure she'd be very friendly with any dragons bearing sweeties!

Roxy - thanks mate. Happy new year to you too!

the watercats said...

Great to catch up with the old girl.. more than a few nods to victoria wood in your references to english tendencies.. brilliant stuff!.. smiling all over :-)