Friday, 20 November 2009


Thanks all again for continuing to take an interest in Maggie and her ongoing journey to...well, that would be cheating, wouldn’t it!

For those of you who don't know the journey from John O Groats (the most northerly part of mainland Britain) to Land's End (the most southerly) is quite a famous one (also known as LEJOG) and people make it via various means for different reasons. Maggie's reasons are secret for the moment...

Thanks as always to Raven for getting us all thinking: for those of you yet to play here’s the link

Words for this week's 10-word challenge are: love is a many splendored thing, trucks, inspector, symbols, rising, organic, liberation, costly, smug, naughty

And for the mini: the nature of the beast, identical, charcoal, braggart, vacation
On a further note: there really is a Trout Inn in Oxford – a couple of episodes of Inspector Morse were filmed there, and it really is true about Gretna (at least the bit about the anvil is true)

Week six – Biggar – Carlisle, 87 miles

Detective Inspector Brains, Tames Valley Police attending

Brains: I was proceeding in a south-westerly towards Oxford canal on foot when I noticed a disruption taking place outside The Trout Inn. I saw what appeared to be an elderly lady with a collapsing zimmer-frame making rude gesticulations towards the landlord and calling him a braggart.

Having watched Crimewatch only the night before I was reminded that Mrs Margaret Mills is still wanted for questioning regarding..... and as the person looked identical to the photofit I proceeded to ascertain if it were she.

However, upon arresting the individual for public lewdness I discovered that it was not Mrs Mills, but a Mr Derek Kinkade of 1 The Crescent, Bewdley, President of the Margaret Mills Liberation Front.

I took him in for questioning, and he was subsequently released pending further enquiries.


Dear Spud

I were right sorry to hear about your spat with Denise on Tuesday, but you should never have given her charcoal briquettes for her birthday. Honestly, what were you thinking? Nobody has a barbeque this time of year and you know how she feels about fossil fuels. Anyway I’m sure that you’ll get past it if only you can stop moping about feeling sorry for yerself, after all they do say that love is a many splendored thing: just look at me and Norman – he were never the most handsome man, but we got on right well enough.

Anyway – I’m finally bloody out of Scotland today, but it don’t get much better: as I’m in Carlisle today and that’s right on the border of Wales. Well, I ain’t got nothing against Wales as such, had lots of lovely holidays up here as a lass: but the bloody place is just full of wind and rain that won’t do owt for my gammy leg. The manager at the hotel in Lockerbie game me some orgasmic herbal remedy – or were that organic? Either way it looked like a bloody costly jar, so I shall use it sparingly if at all.

Gretna were a big disappointment: not how I remember it at all. Norman and me, well we eloped to Gretna when we was young, but it’s all changed. You can’t get married at the Blacksmith’s anvil no more: there’s just some smug tourist guide wanting to charge you a tenner for your photo to remind you of your vacation. Seems a shame really: I mean, where are all those mad passionate eighteen year olds just brimming full of naughty thoughts and repressed sexuality supposed to go now? Still I suppose that’s the nature of the beast that is tourism.

Carlisle is a bit grim: very noisy. I were kept awake all night by trucks bombing up and down the main road like there were no tomorrow. Still, today I were able to take a quick trip up to Hadrian’s Wall whilst me motor scooter were being repaired again. There wall were impressive: you can see it rising into the hills for miles around

By the way: thanks – I seen Crimewatch last night, but I’m sure I don’t have time to be bothering with the police right now. No doubt they’ll find me if they want me




Hope u wont mind, as ow me n Tosser had to chuck Mrs Bayliss out of number three. Neighbors were complainin coz she spent all nite playin her symbols n drums



Argent said...

Orgasmic herbal remedies, eh? You don't see them in Holland & Barrat. Cracking good episode this week. I could just picture Mr Kincaid all done up to look like an old lady and getting arrested. Priceless!

Raven said...

I think my favorite line was the Margaret Mills Liberation front... but Ograsmic herbal remedies was a close second. Margaret and Spud are so delightful and real to me. I know I would love them if I met them. I think you have a book here... or a TV series. Did I say that before? I think I did but it bears repeating.

the watercats said...

It gets ever better! I'm envious of your creativity, I had a million books in my head once, but alas! Mind you, that could be a blessing :-)
I want next weeks!,,, now!

Dr.John said...

More and more she reminds me of the great Aunt I met in Cornwall. Great writing.

DawnTreader said...

I will have to go back and read previous episodes I think I missed some. Enjoyed this though!

I've been to Gretna (very long time ago, but not to get married...)

Fandango said...

We dragons are worried about that old lady. She is going to ruin her electric cycle. It is amazing she survives.

Akelamalu said...

I love how you write in dialect it's such fun!

pohanginapete said...

I'm so impressed with how your characters seem so much larger than life, yet so absolutely believable too. Marvellous writing :^)

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

Argent - you can expect more frm the members of the MMLF in weeks to come

Raven - was convinced that you would tell me off for cheating slightly with playing her symbols (he he), but glad you liked orgasmic remedies! Funny - because i think maggie would be fun on the radio.

Watercats - thanks. You have enough talent going on without writing books as well, but if you ever do i''m sure it will be great

Dr John - we do have a type of person here in the UK who is very plain speaking (says what they think, no holds barred), so no doubt there are lots of maggies!

DawnTreader - sadly you can no longer elope to Gretna or get married at the Blacksmiths anvil - you can still get married there, but it's booked way in advance and the ceremony is in a special room and not at the anvil.

Fandango - maggie is certainly having problems with the scooter, they really weren't designed for mountains!

Akelamalu - one of the great things about the uk is our regional dialects and speaking. i think Maggie is a yorkshire lass by birth, but she could be from sheffield where my family originate

Pete - thanks. Maggie seems to have a life of her own allright!