Sunday, 3 March 2013

How To Wash Your Cat







How To Wash Your Cat

Cat got fleas?  Cat got poo stuck in its fur?  Cat decided that a good thing to do on a muddy, rainy day is to come back in and walk across every clean surface?  Then you need the below tips:

1) Find protective gloves - preferably teflon
2) Close all doors and potential methods of exit NO MATTER HOW SMALL and block off potential access to anything more than two milimetres high as the cat WILL get underneath it
3) Heard cat into a corner via a mixture of threats, promises and treats (NB: there is no point at which your cat will not know what you are up to - they have ESP when it comes to visits to vets, clipping of nails and/or washes)
4) Grab cat at arms length, ensuring you have a route of egress to the shower
5) Ensure shower door is fully closed before putting cat down - cat will most likely still be slightly sanguine until the water starts
6) Throw some of your clothes over the top of the shower, ensuring you are still wearing sufficient layers to protect against claws
7) Find ear defenders
8) Start shower, ensuring you are wearing ear defenders
9) Ignore ignominious cries from cat as the water hits it
10) Realize that you have forgotten to include the cat de-flea shampoo
11) Call loudly for Partner In Crime (spouse, boy/girlfriend, lodger, other nominated person you don't mind seeing you semi-naked) to fetch said shampoo
12) Spray cat with water keeping a good distance.
13) Still wearing gloves try to cover as much of the hissing ball of anger that is now your cat in shampoo
14) Bend over to rub into the fur, only to find that the cat has climbed onto your back, desperate to escape and is now doing its Harry Houdini impression up the side of the shower
15) Grab cat again and rinse whatever you managed to get of the shampoo into the fur back out again
16) Turn off tap and reach for a towel
17) Gather cat in the towel and rub vigourously still holding at arms length
18) Open the shower door
19) Release the cat and enjoy its impression of Usain Bolt
20) Go to hospital to get the wounds looked at
21) Stay well away from the cat for 24 hours or until such time as it comes to you for food

20 comments:

Laurie Kolp said...

Cute!

Kathe W. said...

I always would just jam the cats into their travel boxes and take them to the groomer- this post is hilarious! Have a great week and stay away from the cat!

Gattina said...

I prefer to live that's why my cats never get a bath, lol !

Friko said...

Now I know why I never bathed my cats. Heck, I barely brushed them!

Theresa Milstein said...

This is quite a take on the picture prompt! Glad my cat is keeping up with things.

Argent said...

I wash our long-haired cat now and then in the shower and he always tries for the pity vote by meowing piteously the whole time. As for fleas, one of those drop on the back of the neck things is the way forward.

English Rider said...

Very funny! Argent is right. The monthly application against fleas is worth it. I have washed cats once or twice. I go for a washing-up basin full of warm water, in the kitchen sink, and a spray attachment to use one-handed as the other hand holds the scruff of the neck.

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

yes - we use the drops on the back, but we had a long haired cat (Charlie) who would sometimes get poo stuck in is fur and even with the drops Giles managed to get fleas once and had to be showered

Berowne said...

Clever and quite enjoyable. But not for the cat...

Stephen Hayes said...

I'll be thinking about this post the next time I get a cat.

Tess Kincaid said...

Giggle...

ninotaziz said...

Argent,
I am so with you on that drop at the back of the neck. Plus no showers!

But honestly, my three Siamese are good with their baths. they whimper and meow a bit, then dry out in the sun...

ninotaziz said...

By the way, Pixie, extremely unusual take on the prompt!

Wayne Pitchko said...

smiles thanks for sharing this

Lydia said...

Too true, too true! Now, mine would never accept the shower. I am mightily impressed that you are able to do that with yours. I stick Shiva (she's the one who needs a weekly bath) under the running tub water. The water source is closer to the cat's body and I have more control (or so I think). You missed one reallyreally fun step that I toss into the mix once in awhile: blow-drying the kitty after bath!!!!! ^.^

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

for anyone who thought this post was a bit of a stretch from the image - try washing your cat and then see :)

The Bug said...

There you go again being hilarious :)

Anonymous said...
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~T~ said...

Ugh! I'm glad I don't have to wash my koi.

Heidi said...

So. Very. Funny! I laughed the whole time I was reading. We used to wrap my brothers cat in a towel before her bath just to safely get her to the tub.