Yes here we are again - Mr Inspiration is still out on his extended vacation and shows no sign of returning, despite having left the TV on and the central heating running - so it's time to turn to the spurious List-O-Fives that we have all come to love so well
As usual you should probably not expect anything too serious to pop up here, nor for the list to actually equal five. Four or six yes - five, never.
This time we are looking at the list of things that I just cannot see the point of. This may well be the railings of a grumpy man against a new world that keeps on changing so I can only refer you to the words of Douglas Adams who said "anything invented before you are born is in the natural order of things, anything between birth and middle-age is a new and exciting gadget: anything much after that is Against God And Must Be Stopped"
So - without further ado - here we go:
#1: The Continuing Success Of Ricky Gervais
Some years ago Mr Gervais and his writing partner Stephen Merchant unleased "The Office" on an unsuspecting world. A curious mix of mockumentary and sit-com it spoke to a world of employees stuck in dead end jobs about over-enthusiastic bosses and the dreadful drudgery of many of our jobs. It was a combination of genius and dreadfully hard to watch at the same time.
But even then it was fairly clear to everyone watching that Ricky Gervais was a one trick pony. He was, to be blunt, more than a little similar to his comedy creation David Brent.
So really - explain to me how it is that years later he is still trailing out the same schtick, relying on the embarrassment factor, pulling the same gurning faces - and yet hailed as the new comedy messiah?
#2: Lady GaGa
Not doing anything that David Bowie or Madonna hadn't already done 10 years previously she has produced some moderately catchy tunes and put in a good play for the Annual Mrs Mad-person Competition with her famous meat-dress, but really??? All this talk of her being some creative genius just because she stuck a phone on her head?
(And by the way Lady G - Bjork and Kate Bush have already got the prize sewn up for some time to come)
#3: 3-D Movies (and, by association, 3-D TV)
Forced upon the world mostly by film studios as a way to halt piracy and as a sneaky way of raising cinema admissions prices I have to ask - what really does it add to a movie? If a film is poor then the addition of 3-D will just mean that it is now a poor movie in 3-D.
Also - there seems to be a plethora of films that are now incorporating extended scenes just so the audience, complete with silly glasses and a vague feeling of an impending headache, can go "oooh, look at the 3-D" (no names mentioned, but James Cameron should read this entry and do the world a favour by going back to low-budget Sci-Fi flicks)
A special effect, no matter how amazing, can never compensate for a lack of story
#4: The Sudden Decision By Motorists Everywhere That Indicating Where You Are Going Is Optional
It's a tiny stick, located right by the big wheel that you have to turn in order to steer - it really doesn't take any effort to press it in one direction or the other, thus starting a little amber light flashing that could save your life, of the life of a pedestrian - so until such time as Halfords, or RadioShack, start selling crystal balls that will tell us which way you are going - just use the bloody thing
#5: The Olympic Commissions Stance On Small Companies Using The Five-Rings Emblem
Over the last few months the papers have been rife with reports of florists, or butchers, who have put displays in their shop windows in the form of the 5 olympic rings (made from chrysanthemums or sausages according to shop)
And on each occasion the Olympic Committee has threatened to sue said shop for copyright infringement.
This stance appalls me. I can understand that some bloke manufacturing knock-off mugs, toasters and tea-towels and selling them on the sly could be a problem, but really? These are just people getting into the spirit of the Olympics - so get a life people and chill out
#6: Deep Fried Mars Bars