Friday, 29 June 2012

Things I Just Don't Get (list of 5s)

Yes here we are again - Mr Inspiration is still out on his extended vacation and shows no sign of returning, despite having left the TV on and the central heating running - so it's time to turn to the spurious List-O-Fives that we have all come to love so well

As usual you should probably not expect anything too serious to pop up here, nor for the list to actually equal five.  Four or six yes - five, never.

This time we are looking at the list of things that I just cannot see the point of.  This may well be the railings of a grumpy man against a new world that keeps on changing so I can only refer you to the words of Douglas Adams who said "anything invented before you are born is in the natural order of things, anything between birth and middle-age is a new and exciting gadget: anything much after that is Against God And Must Be Stopped"

So - without further ado - here we go:

#1: The Continuing Success Of Ricky Gervais
Some years ago Mr Gervais and his writing partner Stephen Merchant unleased "The Office" on an unsuspecting world.  A curious mix of mockumentary and sit-com it spoke to a world of employees stuck in dead end jobs about over-enthusiastic bosses and the dreadful drudgery of many of our jobs.  It was a combination of genius and dreadfully hard to watch at the same time.

But even then it was fairly clear to everyone watching that Ricky Gervais was a one trick pony.  He was, to be blunt, more than a little similar to his comedy creation David Brent.

So really - explain to me how it is that years later he is still trailing out the same schtick, relying on the embarrassment factor, pulling the same gurning faces - and yet hailed as the new comedy messiah?

#2: Lady GaGa
Not doing anything that David Bowie or Madonna hadn't already done 10 years previously she has produced some moderately catchy tunes and put in a good play for the Annual Mrs Mad-person Competition with her famous meat-dress, but really???  All this talk of her being some creative genius just because she stuck a phone on her head?

(And by the way Lady G - Bjork and Kate Bush have already got the prize sewn up for some time to come)

#3: 3-D Movies (and, by association, 3-D TV)
Forced upon the world mostly by film studios as a way to halt piracy and as a sneaky way of raising cinema admissions prices I have to ask - what really does it add to a movie?  If a film is poor then the addition of 3-D will just mean that it is now a poor movie in 3-D.

Also - there seems to be a plethora of films that are now incorporating extended scenes just so the audience, complete with silly glasses and a vague feeling of an impending headache, can go "oooh, look at the 3-D"  (no names mentioned, but James Cameron should read this entry and do the world a favour by going back to low-budget Sci-Fi flicks)

A special effect, no matter how amazing, can never compensate for a lack of story

#4: The Sudden Decision By Motorists Everywhere That Indicating Where You Are Going Is Optional
It's a tiny stick, located right by the big wheel that you have to turn in order to steer - it really doesn't take any effort to press it in one direction or the other, thus starting a little amber light flashing that could save your life, of the life of a pedestrian - so until such time as Halfords, or RadioShack, start selling crystal balls that will tell us which way you are going - just use the bloody thing

#5: The Olympic Commissions Stance On Small Companies Using The Five-Rings Emblem
Over the last few months the papers have been rife with reports of florists, or butchers, who have put displays in their shop windows in the form of the 5 olympic rings (made from chrysanthemums or sausages according to shop)

And on each occasion the Olympic Committee has threatened to sue said shop for copyright infringement.

This stance appalls me.  I can understand that some bloke manufacturing knock-off mugs, toasters and tea-towels and selling them on the sly could be a problem, but really?  These are just people getting into the spirit of the Olympics - so get a life people and chill out

#6: Deep Fried Mars Bars
No....just...no

10 comments:

Stephen Hayes said...

Deep Fried Mars bars? Why tamper with perfection?

Michael said...

Oh I detest 3D. Never considered the anti piracy benefit, but I still hate it. Life is 3D. I go to movies to escape my life.

The Bug said...

1. I've never watched The Office or Mr. Gervais (that I know of).
2. Agree
3. I've never been to a 3D movie - too cheap!
4. Oh my sweet Lord YES USE THE TURN SIGNAL. Thank you.
5. Really? That's pretty darn good community relations right there.
6. Sign me up - where can I get one? And what are they over here - Snickers?

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

stephen - why indeed

michael - yes, one of the advantages for the movie industry is that most copyright theft is apparently done by people taking cameras into the cinema - impossible to do with 3d

Bug - Mars and Snickers are different things, but you can probably deep fry both if you insist on doing so

Friko said...

I hope you weren't drinking Pepsi during this rant. The OC will be after you for sure.

I agree with about Ricky G, the non indicating rule and 3D. Don't know Lady GG and have never eaten a deep fried Mars bar.

It does feel good to let off steam, doesn't it?

justsoyouknow said...

Commercialization had just landed everywhere. Making wealth management a harder task these days.

The Clandestine Samurai said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Clandestine Samurai said...

This is an excellent list, Mr. Pixies! Quite entertaining. I think I will do one of my own for my blog and reference yours. At any rate:

1) Yeah, I'm not really sure what is special about Ricky Gervais either.

2) I agree to a certain extent. The outlandish stuff is indeed unnecessary, but I cannot deny that she has talent. And I enjoy the outlandish stuff as sort of counter-cultural strikes against the straight-laced, follow-the-grain artists in the rest of the industry.

3) I didn't even know about the anti-piracy angle. That makes sense to me. But I disagree, 3-D doesn't always suck. "The Avengers" was excellent in 3-D. I most certainly agree, however, that 3-D does not make up for the lack of a story, or plot, or good characters.

4) You should buy a monster truck and make these motorists pay when they don't signal.

5) Agreed

6) I've recently assembled a company of people who will find the person who thought this was a good idea to spread and assassinate on sight.

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

samurai - Lady G. I'm sure that she is talented and her songs are certainly catchy. I was merely questioning her originality.

3-D - i didn't see The Avengers yet, but i do know that i dont want to spend my whole life having to wear special 3-D glasses just to watch TV

Lydia said...

1. I keep needing to be reminded that The Office came from you guys first. It seems that Ricky Gervais and the American who played the role (Steve Carell) suffer from the same "Seen too much of them already" syndrome.
2. Agree
3. A special effect, no matter how amazing, can never compensate for a lack of story
=Perfectly said (and the comment by Michael is also perfect).
4. Is it airborne, because I think I have caught the virus. Have been having to tell myself to use my turn signals. Now I will really start watching it!
5. Chill out, I guess. And get a life too!
6. Ugh!