About 15 minutes to midnight on December 31st I made the stupid mistake of deciding to switch off the lights. The next thing I knew fireworks were going off – I stayed awake long enough to mutter a quick “Happy New Year” to my partner and to the cats and the next thing I knew it was morning.
Sometimes life’s like that though – like today I saw a report in the free newspaper on the bus that most teenagers think life is pointless. Well duh!
I have a friend (yes, I know – amazing: a whole friend all to myself!) who says that life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality, which only goes to back up what Obi-Wan Kenobi said about all truths depending on your point of view.
Taking a slightly meandering route towards my eventual point for this posting I’d just like to mention that the thing I miss most about going to the Gym (can’t really afford at present with my salary/mortgage etc) is January – when you get to watch all the New Year’s Resolutionaries pay a year’s membership, hog all the machines for a week or so and then slowly drift off until attendance returns to its normal levels.
But to return to the subject, and via way of quoting Talk Talk, life’s what you make it. 2008 was a bit of a wasted year for me – my plans for the house were spoiled due to the resolutely awful weather, my novel hit yet another speed bump and got turned down a dead end street leaving me with the feeling that the SatNav of my imagination had been stolen and the thieves had gone through my belongings whilst they were at it.
I’ve ended up taking jobs that I didn’t want to take in order to pay the bills, I’ve felt like everything was designed to stop me from achieving my dreams. I’ve felt like those teenagers who see no point in carrying on: living a life in shades of grey. My sense of humour, which has helped me with so many lows in the past, has felt strained and deserted me as I’ve spent yet another bus journey listening to someone talking about their time in prison – only to arrive at work and be bored by the pointlessness of it all, only to arrive at home and find myself alone and wondering what it’s all in aid of.
And the truth is that life is like the flapping of butterflies wings – everything is connected. The cycle is self-creating and self-repeating.
I’m not making any resolutions for this year – we make them about such trivial things and we always forget them – but I have Plans (note the capital letter)
So here’s my list of Things To Do In 2009:
Find some way of achieving fitness without great expense – I hate jogging (far too embarrassing and one always finds a group of Teenagers watching at the point where you want to collapse), but enjoy walking and cycling: so if I have to change the time I do the ironing to ensure I get out and about I will
Get the kitchen done, hopefully the front room and front drive – the lack of progress during 2008 has been like a piece of Kryptonite around Superman’s head
I will join the local art group that has a yearly exhibit at the local gallery
I will continue to work on my art and to write songs
I will finish my novel for better or worse
I will throw out all the junk I haven’t looked at in five years
I will learn more about Bhuddism (Bhudda of Hollywood – can you recommend some books), meditation and positive thinking
But most importantly:
* I will no longer allow the fact that I am not where I want to be to stop me from getting there
* I will show my partner how much she means to me more often, but to remember that my desires are important too.
* I will remember always that, as life is essentially pointless it’s only purpose HAS to be to give it meaning.
And if all my plans don't work out then so what? If we aim high then finally might we not touch the sky?